THE BREAKING Not NEWS
(Satirical News for People Who Like Laughing, Reading and Sex. But Not Necessarily at the Same Time.)
Author’s Husband Calls in Wife’s Parents to Scold Her
Contemporary Romance Author Aly Martinez had a surprise last week when her parents made the long trip from Savannah, Georgia to Chicago, Illinois to give her a stern talking to. Having been called by their son-in-law, Michael, they arrived the next day.
Said her husband, “It’s not the writing I have a problem with, she’s wildly successful. In fact she’s more than paid for all the wine she’s consumed since we got married. It’s all time she spends searching for a muse, which is really just romance writer code for surfing the web for hot, naked guys. I mean come on, who do they think they are kidding?”
In response, Aly commented that, “This is a legitimate requirement for romance authors. You need to seek out inspiration wherever you can get it. Music, reading, and yes, checking out hot men’s bods is a part of my process. I mean for God’s sake, people! Nobody hacked on Janet Evanovich when she ate Cheetos for fifteen years straight!” Martinez went on to say, “We all do it. Jennifer Sage, River Savage, everyone. That b#tch MJ Summers doesn’t post them because she pretends she’s all ‘classy and shit’ but I happen to know she stalks my Aly’s Vegetarian Page daily.”
Martinez, a generally excellent wife, agreed give it a break for a while but it didn’t last long. After only a few hours, Michael, fell asleep on the couch wearing a Stolen Course t-shirt from her swag box, only to be woken with her leaning over him carefully drawing a six pack on him with a charcoal crayon.
“When I asked her what she was doing, she said, ‘Listen, honey, I’m on a tight deadline. Broken Course is coming out in a few weeks and I need to finish it. Work with me here, okay?'”
In the end, Michael just told her to go back to surfing for hotties. “It’s better than getting woken from a nap. If that’s her process, I’m just going to have to go with it.”